but what if i make it
what if they love me
what if i’m the one? what if i hit?
what if it all comes true and happens?
it’ll never come true or happen.
but what if that negativity seals my fate.
better play it safe and believe that it is true now.
and i am all that now.
and i already have all that now.
and it’s all okay now.
Now, …isn’t that easy?
Go to sleep now.
Don’t search for food.
don’t think about hours of sleep you’ll have.
and how lame my relationships are
and how much i am wasting my time here
with this dull attempt
this tired wrist
these tired eyes.
there’s a ten dollar word, that i can’t spell.
freestyle rap. get the gears going.
write rap lyrics like math equations on the train.
stay up late and write.
right about sarah, maybe she’ll read this
and tell everyone about me.
my deepest fears.
everything that i’ve been hiding.
now we’re moving into fantasy.
what if i had a big secret.
what if it was all real
and a hole in me.
what if you have that exact same thing.
the emptyness of it all is it?
this thing call life?
worth moving in
with and throughout.
like labeling the void.
touch me, a boy.
fill me with joy
leave me to myself.
like a homelessman takes his coin
his hot machine shower
his genetic perfection
we’ll see who you are when we see how you die.
nirvana bliss dmt explosion?
head cut off in the village on a stump
with a crude axe
by a man with a bag over his eyes.
hair on fire?
when reality gets real real.
that kid almost burned alive in highschool.
that’s his life.
this is karma?
higher concepts being attributed to real knifes of lives
real fire real pain real death
what does that mean. real?
meaning, when real actually starts to believe
in itself. real all to real, for the human all to human.
war versus separated concepts.
bored of the boring
of the hamster wheel self.
but real is too real.
like your embarassment.
nothing to do. no right way to spell.
or momentum to give you.
i wish i can change your presence.
don’t be cute. keep writing.
when life becomes real
it’s a nightmare
and then you have it
now you’ve done it
is this real?
do you dare ask?
it’s either the mundane or the real terrible,
this is your claim.
you are a liar.
a foolish tacticion.
it doesn’t matter if you have gotten it wrong all along.
there’s a big surprise at the end of the game?
just another belief.
but what if?
those beliefs make it real?
when then what would you believe?
I would believe that i believe the best belief for me to believe.
which is, already, what i believe.
so there, now that