just trying to keep into my body i’m in the juts
all these guts all this mind all this time
where’s my mind’s eye taking me?
is this my gut feeling
my heart’s intuition says keep your job
so you can keep paying tuition but it all seems odd
all these feelings and emotion and these notion
i need a meditative potion to poke through the hocus pocus
of it all
please just leave me alone and go back home
you directly behind me
i try and find me
but nothing is in sight see
she stands in front of me
all these social gestures
handed down evolutionarily
is that a word?
it prints red but can be well read none the less
as you move on
*let me down
*let me know
EXCITED TO GO AWAY TO CAMP HORIZON TOMORROW FOR A WEEK!
so tired so lazy
i must go through this
or live through this
it has to be
or maybe or maybe
i sit too much
i’m listening to bill burr
i don’t care about the lady’s husband on meds
i don’t care about the lady behind me
the summer is almost over.
winter and fall to come.
i have something in my bowels.
sitting in this cube.
brain my break my bleed
im dead insane dying and want to mention there not being a god
no relief, just pressure.
fuck you fuck you.
be careful i’m talking to the universe they say.
tell the universe how it’s let me down.
how there was too much work and not enough play
too much evolution and not enough enjoying.
not enough just there
celebrating bliss like we should
not enough royal beheading to you my enemy
no that would be to good for you.
broiling alive, anything bringing you nearer nirvana.
so be here with the crazies. Sit here with a tired reality.
a sad self.
in myself. too much inside the me.
too much work for no reason.
too much pushing.
too much weight.
well. i’m let down.
too much not knowing enough.
not being daring enough.
too much blame.
too much time.
no friends. no one to depend on.
work. let down.
i didn’t do it. i wasn’t perfect.
i wasn’t a success ma.
too much pressure.
hunger. drug addiction.
lack of discipline.
here’s the outbreath
thank god no kids
just my college debt for a lackluster creative writing degree.
just being an american in the 21st century. cubicle.
podcasts. music. deadlines.
what am i doing?
is playing the guitar making me a slave to the man?
a tool to propagate something i don’t understand?
entertain or be entertained, two option. blue or red right or left
black or white.
do it for money
how are you gonna….money.
food. no work. dirk, farming.
Something or another that can’t be happened.
anything. we’re all let down.
good. be sad . be failed.
not needing to have worth bestowed upon it.
yet like a spoon. does something.
Your lyric smile,
your licorice grin:
tasty, tasty, tasty.
As if you were stealing away
As if you were going to stay.
As if you were getting off
Lies. All lies.
The biggest greatest most human fear
is that you don’t need me.
But “me” dies
and “me” lies;
"me" never was.
I had me believe…
that you had me believe…..
that your mention of hate….
is against me.
I wonder how you think of me.
If you believe in me…
like I wish I believed in you.
I wonder if you hate me so.
I wonder if you’d like to know,
I’m jealous of you.
But babe I stand nowhere and
you and I are already barely conscious.
It feels great to live the good denial.
So I’ll stand nowhere for awhile and
It’s good for me,
all these human feels.